Beer and football VIII — week seventeen

The game: Jets at Patriots
The beer: Down the Road Wolfgeist Dunkel Lager
The result: Win, 26–6; Lions win, 35–11; Jarrod/Dan/Katie/Oren win, 4–53
The commentary: With apologies to Commissioner Rico, we knockout-pool participants who remain after seventeen regular-season weeks of entertainment—Dan, Katie, Asterisk Oren and myself—have copped out and agreed to split the dough four ways. Rico pushed hard to continue into the playoffs and we might have been convinced were a solid structure in place. Instead his "interesting" suggestions to address my concern that we four (with a reset list of teams to choose from) would settle on the same picks through to the Super Bowl were, basically, unreasonable and desperate: for example, "How about two of you have to pick AFC teams and the other two NFC teams?" Um… no thanks. Five hundred-something net credits is better than the nothing I might end up with in an all-or-nothing affair, which is as much as poor Kelli took home after going o-fer, and that would be a goddamn shame. No thanks. (For fun though? Chiefs over Titans tomorrow.)

Week seventeen outcome
Dan – Vikings over Bears
Katie – Redskins over (home) Giants Falcons over Panthers
Oren – Patriots over Jets
Robin – Saints over (home) Buccaneers
Tim – Ravens over Bengals Redskins over (home) Giants

Way to finish, Tim, though you really left yourself with nothing (the projected Ravens lost as well). I recommend a glorious spreadsheet of your own, from which you might one day cull the following in an email to fellow quitters:

Anyone like stats? Or tendencies, at least…

Over 17 games I picked 12 home teams. Dan, Katie and Oren picked 11.

Katie and I favored the NFC with 9 picks vs. 8 for the AFC. Dan picked 10 NFC. Oren picked 10 AFC.

Dan and I picked the same team in a week 3 times. Katie and I did too, as did Katie and Oren. Dan and Katie shared 6 picks while Dan and Oren shared 7. Oren and I had only one pick in common.

Dan, Katie and Oren all picked the Steelers in week 1 (at the Browns), the Lions in week 10 (hosting the Browns) and the Jaguars in week 11 (at the Browns). Dan, Jarrod and Katie all picked the Eagles in week 5 (hosting the Cardinals). Dan, Jarrod and Oren all picked the Chargers in week 13 (hosting the Browns). "Tendencies."

Dan and I started with 13-game winning streaks. Katie's loss came more in the middle and she ended with 11 straight wins. Oren finished strong, winning 14 after an early loss. (Tim won 15 straight before losing the last 2. Ouch.)

Over the course of the season we each took the Ravens, Jaguars, Chargers, Patriots, Saints, Eagles, Steelers and Seahawks. None of us ever picked the Bears, Browns (shocker), Broncos, Colts, Giants, Niners or Buccaneers.

Lastly, everyone's losing team (Jarrod—Bengals; Katie—Ravens; Oren—Dolphins) missed the playoffs except for Dan's (Pats).

That's good stuff, though Oren was the only one who expressed interest: "I love crap like this!" Right on. His asterisk remains even though I suspect no real shenanigans—Rico handled himself well in dealing with bullshit and, ultimately, ruled with an appreciated iron fist. The whole ended as it began—drinking iced coffee at Market Street, though with decidedly colder temperatures. At least I remembered to take a picture this time. And I did eventually get the hang of the CBS RICO app, which worked well even after losing a few weeks ago. "CONT." It's my own fault but I'm happy to watch the Bengals eat shit for eternity in their Marvin Lewis malaise.

In other news, a halftime promo for Celebrity (?) Big Brother introduced two female cast members who claimed to "work in the boxing industry." If they're not simply "boxers," which is a straightforward job title, do they hold those cards that tell you what round is coming up? Sticking with reality television, Project Also-Rans started last night with its odd determination of categorizing multi-appearance contestants (from Also-Rans and/or the flagship show) as either "veterans" or "rookies." Amanda was onscreen for literally one second before I yelled at her for wasting our time. A. told me to cool it: "I know you don't like the format but can we just try to enjoy this?" I'll never miss an episode. Never.

Seth Wickersham is the troll of the day, gifting us with the antithesis of a Friday news dump as his ESPN hype machine picks the low-hanging fruit and squashes feel-good stories about the wild-card Bills and the Super Bowl-hosting Vikings. "The Patriots, in the only statement anyone associated with the team would make on the record for this story, responded to specific questions by saying that…" "…we won thirteen games this year so what gives?" Is Wickersham wrong if the team wins another title in a few weeks? If they fail, does anything he's right about even matter? It feels like a Cliff's Notes version of every "Brady and Belichick don't like each other" and, more recently, "Belichick and Guerrero don't trust each other" piece written by hacks who otherwise ignore the football being played. Wickersham's article is the story of the offseason, whether the Pats lose to the Chiefs or defeat the Saints, and the playoffs haven't even begun. Just don't forget that the incident related in its opening paragraphs, in which Brady F-bombs McDaniels on live television, happened a month after Garoppolo was traded and Brady "seemed liberated" and "especially excited." History is seldom written by sour Raiders fans but when it is they end with a flourish: "…their collective will to stave off the fall." Bravo! And don't forget about John Jastremski and Jim McNally!

Up next: "Those interviewed describe a lingering sadness around the team." Meanwhile, twenty others missed the playoffs. Cheers!