Beer and football VI — week three

The game: Jaguars at Patriots
The beer: Samuel Smith Oatmeal Stout
The result: Win, 51–17; Seahawks win, 26–0
The commentary: Returning to my roots, I beckoned Samuel Smith from oversea adventure among the whores and skyscrapers of southeast Asia in order to lubricate a week-three, buy-back Seattle victory. Thank god those guys are checked off the list—only twenty-six points against the worst team in the league (seriously, I'm thinking of taking the Raiders this weekend in Chicago); in a must-win game; at home; for Kam Chancellor's return. That's what you could muster? Surely, Sam, you were my safety net as I neared the bottom. Surely, too, it's looking like the Packers, the Cardinals and then everyone else in the NFC.

After twenty of us—twenty!—were knocked out of the pool during week two and nine of us bought back in, eleven of the original twenty-five remain heading into week four. At this point last year only ten of nineteen remained so I'm feeling pretty good.

"I'm feeling pretty good."
Napoléon Bonaparte
June 24, 1812

For the most part I was successful in avoiding Patriot updates at G's friend's birthday party. It takes a special brand of… [undefined]… to schedule anything at one o'clock on a Sunday, especially in a year when we Pats fan (for I had to have been the only one in attendance, right?) didn't luck out with Sunday or Monday Night Football this time. (Indeed, children's parties are my future.) Unfortunately I did suspect a blowout when someone emerged from the house and declared "The Pats scored again," at which point I covered my ears and barked aggressively so as not to overhear more than that. Somehow I was the only one recording the game and planning to watch later with virgin eyes, whereas the rest were content to go inside here and there to see a few plays and report back. Patriots fans are the worst.

As for the game, the results speak for themselves. The most surprising thing was Sergio Brown eliciting this exchange after an admittedly strong pass breakup:

Kevin Harlan: "What a defensive play by Sergio Brown!"

Me: "Pardon?"

Bill Belichick: "Pardon?"

Here's my multiple-source summary of his career in New England, written after Gronk threw him out the club last year: "For two seasons I progressively referred to him as a disappointment who celebrated accidental success, made Patrick Chung look like a superstar and teamed up with Brandon Meriweather to form an ongoing nightmare." The pregame analysis declaring him the best player in the Jags' secondary foretold, clearly, the fifty-one goddamn points they eventually gave up.

The least surprising broadcast development was Rich "League MVP" Gannon complaining about Walt Coleman and the tuck rule. I could listen to Gannon complain about that call for a lifetime. This game's fumble/incompletion mix-up looked like a fumble to me, even as multi-million-dollar safety Devin McCourty jogged right by the ball without worry of falling on it. Just to be safe, you know. "I should've probably scooped up that fumble on the strip sack, and Bill let me know." Easily the most overpaid, overrated guy on the team. I do love his "Free Safety Advice" bit though. "Smart decision with the hat to block the sun. Keeps the sun away." I wonder if there's a "Free Free Safety Advice" video for him to watch.

Up next: You really couldn't wait until the bye week to rent a bouncy house, huh? Cheers!