Beer and football V — weeks thirteen and fourteen

Week thirteen
The game: Patriots at Packers
The beer: Smuttynose S'muttonator Double Bock Lager
The result: Loss, 26–21; Colts win, 49–27
The commentary: Super Bowl preview? Perhaps. I'm curious how this game would have turned out on a neutral field, but the Packers played better than any Wisconsin advantage provided. I never understood the Aaron Rodgers mystique and, as an infrequent viewer, had a hard time believing he belonged on a tier with Brady and Manning (even though he was throwing sixty-yard touchdowns whenever I did tune in). I get it now. He's probably still a prick but watching him buy time, scramble and hit his receivers in the hands was something to watch… until reaching the red zone, that is. That's why I hope it really was a Glendale preview.

I thought I'd sewn it up with the Colts. I didn't know until afterward but Bruno went bold with the Rams over the Raiders in a game that might have meant something in 1983. I admire his strategy of saving stronger teams for when you really need them but does he realize there are only four weeks left in the regular season? Ask me next week.

I snagged the Smuttynose while shopping for clementines and gingerbread muffins to bring to G's preschool on Monday as part of my "parent of the day" duties. I really didn't know what to expect with the bock after a college run-in with a blue-bottled Samuel Adams Triple scarred my gag reflex (though their Chili Bock was a hit three seasons ago) but A. and I agree it was fantastic. Should this "Super Bowl preview" be realized I might heavy-handedly compare the S'muttonator to Brady, Gronkowski or Revis during the bye week à la 2011/2012. My reader (!) can hope.

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Week fourteen
The game: Patriots at Chargers
The beer: Victory Headwaters Pale Ale
The result: Win, 23–14; Lions/Jarrod win, 34–17
The commentary: "Lions for the win." So I stated in my email to the knockout pool… commissioner?… on Thursday, cautiously optimistic that I'd be the last man standing by Sunday evening. Never mind that I'd also emailed "Colts for the win" seething pure arrogance the Thursday before. Who cares, because this time I was right: after the Lions' performance against the Patriots two weeks ago scared me off of picking them against the Bears on Thanksgiving, that performance (and the overall ugliness of the Buccaneers since, oh, 2002) told me it was time.

And Bruno? And Bruno! Bruno, who never took the Patriots or the Ravens. (Or the Cowboys, whom I don't trust either.) Bruno, who didn't realize that the 49ers almost broke up my marriage two weeks ago, didn't sweat like I did while following their typographic progress on a five-inch screen. As much as I know I got away with something in choosing Ryan Fitzpatrick in week one (and as much as I would still take the Bengals over the Bears last season) I realize it will only lead you so far. After the Texans? Patriots, Saints, Chargers, Packers, etc. All teams that were expected to win handily, even the then-winless (and now hopeless) Saints, without crippling me as the season progressed. Bruno started off poorly with the Bucs losing at home to the Panthers, then bought back in for an opportunity to suss out the first of three total Redskin wins this season. OK. Since then he and I basically shuffled the same teams—even lining up in weeks four, five, nine, ten and eleven—and followed the same philosophy of playoff contenders against weak opponents (I went against the Redskins and the Vikings three times each) through November. So what happened?

As noted above, Bruno picked the Rams last week. I compare it to when the Pats are first and goal at the two after a big play and McDaniels outsmarts himself by hurrying Brady to the line before the defense is set so he can hand off to Shane Vereen for minus one yard. You got this far, why turn cute? Why not continue what's worked? It reeked of him saving his best options for a late-December showdown that, it turns out, is never to be. On to Sunday: the 49ers haven't scored more than seventeen points in a month and topped that (with twenty-four) once since mid-October. Not researching this trend two weeks ago was my fault and it almost cost me, but I was looking more at a terrible opponent (Redskins) flying across the country. If that game were available on Sunday, knowing what I knew the morning after I would have steered clear without temptation. Not Bruno. Not coming off a blowout, shutout win a week earlier by a sparky basement-dweller against… hey, it's the Raiders again! Niners all the way!

Who am I to criticize a man's methods when they line my undefeated wallet with hundreds of units? Especially after I learned he was also considering the (hopeless) Saints. It's like he grew bored of stress-free winning. See you next year, Bruno. See everyone next year, since the Bears—the Bears!—knocked out four of you idiots. (Sorry to break it to you, dude who lost with the Bears in week one and then bought back in to get knocked out by the Bucs in week two, but you suck at this. Maybe save your dough for pornography or something.) Incidentally, I was planning to take the Chiefs over the Raiders, the visiting Eagles over the Redskins and (probably) the Falcons over the Panthers to close out the season if necessary. It's not. You're goddamn right.

Up next: The Dolphins solidify their standing as a mediocre team by keeping things interesting in Foxborough long enough for writers to declare them a team to watch in the playoffs… until they get blown the fuck out at home against the Vikings next weekend. Cheers!