Beer and football III — playoffs, week two

The game: Texans at Patriots
The beer: Notch Valley Malt BSA (Brewer Supported Agriculture) Farmhouse Ale
The result: Win, 41–28; Anthony Ryan, 5–0
The commentary: I am out of beer. After last weekend's yummy porter and Sunday evening's so-so Notch (saisons and farmhouse ales are pretty hit-or-miss for me, which is strange in this case because I like Notch's saison) all I had left in bomber form was a lovely BBC Coffeehouse Porter that I received as a gift. It's my favorite beer in the world and I would have saved it for the upcoming AFC title game but it's been done already. It's been done! So A. and I split it the other night while watching the fourth-to-last episode of the first season of Homeland. I wish it had been the second-to-last episode so I could have written "penultimate episode." I love that word.

So what am I gonna drink on Sunday? I've got a recommendation I can hopefully track down at the liquor store today. Should the Pats advance, I think I'll turn to an old friend for the ensuing Super Bowl. Uh-oh, who's that up ahead? "We… we are… not thirsty." Relax, Major, I'll just get the one beer for now.

G. watched the first half with me before mom took her away for dinner. Until then she was having some tea and trying over and over to sit in the bed of her toy dump truck. Maybe you had to be there but it was totally hilarious. Almost as hilarious as this exchange while Houston was "driving" at the end of the game:

Phil Simms: Well, you know what you do… maybe you get one more completion… if you can get out of bounds, spike the ball, whatever… and try a long field goal… to give yourself a chance, maybe… to… throw one… into the end zone… if you could recover an onside kick–

Jim Nantz: [In a rare moment of clarity.] Uhh, mmm, I don't think that'll do you much good.

Phil Simms: Oh, that's right. What am I thinking of?

I don't know Phil, which game were you watching? Let's beat up on the media a little more. I'm glad that Dan Shaughnessy is finally being recognized beyond our borders as the boob that he is. "I don't know a ton about football." No kidding! I sort of met the guy one time during a co-op term at the Globe as a college sophomore and he seemed alright. But what a hack. I also encountered Bob Ryan, who was a real prick (though I would be too if my teeth were stained the yellow of a thousand hobo corpses), and Mike Barnicle, who ripped the sticky note from my hand and claimed "meatball sub chicken salad 2 Cokes" as his own original work.

More media bashing. There's a podcast I listen to from time to time called Sound Opinions that is hosted by two music nerds. Each episode is so painfully scripted—it's clear while the two are "casually discussing" some classic album or other that they've written the entire conversation out ahead of time. You'd think with all the show prep, though, that they might have realized Mudhoney and Soundgarden are not the same band. In reviewing Soundgarden's new King Animal they kept referring to the band as forming from the ashes of Green River and being the champions of Sub Pop before Nirvana started getting all the love buzz. Correction! That band was Mudhoney, perhaps our finest national export. Bush league, it was! Anyway, they hated King Animal and essentially called it a solo Mark Arm Chris Cornell effort. I think it's a good album and these twerps would have agreed if fucking John Cale or Kevin Shields had produced it. I wonder what they'll think of Mudhoney's actual new album in April.

Oh! Also-Rans wrapped up Thursday night and my man Anthony Ryan took the second-chance crown. Good for him, he was easily the most talented designer all season long. Between him and Mondo I guess the rehashing has produced proper results but how long can that go on? And how many times can you bring back sadists like Ivy and Joshua? Enough.

Dear Lifetime, The Network for Women,

I am not interested in seeing people I've already seen. Also: feed your models and stop beating them with ugly sticks. Also: nudity!

Sincerely,
Jarrod P. Biffington (Jr.), CFA

Up next: The Ray Lewis Farewell Tour comes to Foxborough. This will be a good one. Cheers!