Beer and football III — week nine (bye)

The beer: Samuel Adams Coastal Wheat Ale
The commentary: Unlike acrylic, silicone is permanently waterproof, flexible and shrink/crack proof.

Typical uses
Showers, tubs, sinks, tile, countertops and fixtures.

Adhesiveness
Most ceramic tile, laminate, porcelain, glass, metal, plastic, granite and wood.

Warning
Silicone tub and tile caulk is not for use below the water line or in aquariums.

Instructions
1. Remove dirt, grease, moisture and old caulk from area to be sealed.

2. Apply horizontal lengths of painter's tape approximately three-eights of an inch from joint on both sides. This distance may vary wildly if the person who installed your bath tile had no idea what he or she was doing.

3. Use pliers to remove cap from tube. We really jammed it on there.

4. Cut nozzle to obtain desired bead size. Do not make the opening too large or you will get caulk everywhere.

5. Pierce inner foil seal.

6. Place tube in caulk gun. If you have never used a caulk gun before, allow for a learning curve of several minutes. It is not as straightforward as it looks.

7. Yes, flip that lever and pull the trigger to tighten it. There you go.

8. Have plenty of paper towels available. This is going to be messy.

9. Using caulk gun, apply caulk into gap.

10. It seems you are unfamiliar with how to correctly operate a caulk gun. In order to stop the flow of caulk, you must hold the gun steady and then use your third hand to simultaneously unlock the lever and pull back on the metal rod. This cannot be achieved without getting caulk everywhere.

11. Refer to step 8.

12. Wet your finger and smooth the caulk into the gap. Oh yeah.

13. You used way too much caulk. It is everywhere. Clean it up as best you can before removing the tape. Hurry!

14. Starting with an available end, gently pull the tape away from the tub and/or wall. Keep the tape as perpendicular to the surface as possible.

15. Refer to step 8.

16. Allow at least three hours before exposing caulk to water.

17. If you need to reshape any of the applied caulk, do not attempt to do so fifteen minutes into the drying process. By this time it has already dried enough that any tampering will ruin your efforts.

18. You should consider doing that bit over tomorrow night. It looks bad.

19. Good luck putting the cap back on all the way.

20. Get that shit out of your aquarium.

Up next: The Bills come to Foxborough to start the second half of the regular season. I see losses against only the Dolphins (in Miami) and the 49ers, which is two in a row so it doesn't make me a homer. Cheers!