Thursday, November 22, 2012

Beer and football III — week eleven

The game: Colts at Patriots
The beer: Notch PolotmavĂ˝ Czech Amber Lager
The result: Win, 59–24
The commentary: Guess who wouldn't nap again! Like last week, our efforts were foiled when G. turned crib time into play time, followed by full-on holler time. As kickoff approached I scooped her up and tried to lie down on the couch with her the way I can sometimes get her to nap with me on our bed. On the couch, A. and I call this "the danger position" because it is a near certainty we will fall asleep watching television. Apparently, G. calls it "the roll over! blanket! Elmo! aiiieeee! position" because it was like dunking her in a vat of cocaine for five seconds. So I set her down to play and accepted that the game (actually watched live the whole way) would go down pretty much the same way as last week's, with me having to pause every now and then to take sharp objects away from her. No big deal. Unfortunately this morning I discovered a few yellow marks on our television that suspiciously match her plastic stacking cups—better giant-beer-drinking supervision needed from this guy.

I expected Luck to have a better game against the good guys. Despite the common (local) misconception that Belichick does well against rookie/first-time-starting quarterbacks, I seem to recall a whole bunch of times it didn't work out that way. Matter of fact, the past couple of years, more quarterbacks have had their way with his defenses than haven't. I'll just leave that alone and keep my distance from rage and hatred this morning. (In my defense, last week's Mass Art explodo-rant was totally organic. I had no intention of going there.) Wouldn't you know it, though, the one strength of this crew was supposed to be defending the run and we all saw what happened against the Bills and the Colts. (Deep breaths.)

The funny part, in a "Noooooo!" kind of way, is that I didn't hear about Gronkowski's arm until skimming Pro Football Talk (rag!) headlines the following morning. It sucks, but it doesn't sound out of the question that he'll return by the end of the regular season. Certainly by the playoffs. Right? Anyway, Belichick does a weekly interview with local retard foundation radio station WEEI on Mondays. I listened to it at work yesterday and this one exchange made my day: hosts Glenn Ordway and Michael Holley were politely asking (their preferred manner of criticism) why Gronkowski was in on the point-after, why he was in a position to be injured, when the game was no longer competitive.

Belichick: "Football players play football… you tell me which guy's gonna get hurt and I'll get him outta there, but I don't know how you know that."

[Three seconds of silence.]

Ordway: "Time machine. Simple, Bill. Get one of those time machines, go back into time, figure it all out. Think what your record would be like if you went into one of those time machines!"

Jarrod: "Holy living fuck."

Up next: I'm thankful that tonight's game against the Jets won't start until 8:30. Should give us plenty of time to return home from dinner, put G. to bed, crack open a bomber and pass out on the couch by 9:15. Happy Thanksgiving!

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