Thoughts on a New Hampshire wedding

In case you find yourself attending one. Live free or love:

With a long, hot drive ahead of you on the way to a wedding, I recommend wearing shorts in the car and then pulling to the side of the road to change into your suit. Aside from the confused glances of other motorists (and one cyclist) it's a good way to remain sweat-free until you hit the dance floor.

It's possible for a Justice of the Peace to be fired and banned from attending a wedding that she was supposed to oversee. Ideally, this firing happens mere hours after the programs have been printed. Even better if the fired JOP is female and the replacement JOP is male, so the programs are suddenly and obviously inaccurate. (Grammar-nerd note: when I got home and related this to A., I properly pluralized "Justices of the Peace" on the first try. We were both very pleased.)

A best man's and maid/matron of honor's toasts should always be about the couple, not the individual. The best man told a genuinely funny story about his younger brother but didn't mention the bride until the end. The matron of honor (bride's older sister) spoke of how wonderful a couple they are and how important it is that they remain best friends. Hers was the more touching, if not the more memorable, toast of the two.

If you RSVP that you're bringing a guest, but it turns out your date cannot attend (see previous post), find someone you know whose date also couldn't show. If the four of you weren't originally assigned at the same dinner table then you now have a choice between two. You can also parlay this into a better meal for yourself, since what you checked off months ago may not be what you're in the mood for at the moment (again, assuming you and your date chose different meals, which is the only way to go).

If the young ring-bearer comes up to you during dinner and asks you to high-five him, you are about to get punk'd.

When the server asks you if you want a slice of white cake or carrot cake, say chocolate. You'll get it.

An all-eighties soundtrack is puzzling at first, but all bets are off once "Safety Dance" comes on. And the one-two punch of "Jump Around" and "It Takes Two" is artistically, aesthetically and athletically breathtaking.

It is stunning when an open bar becomes a cash bar without notice. Suddenly a Corona sounds much better than a top-shelf cocktail.

Lastly, the late RL Burnside's Burnside on Burnside is great driving-home-in-the-middle-of-the-night-trying-to-stay-awake music. Well, well, well and rest in peace.