Beer and football IX — weeks twelve, thirteen, fourteen and fifteen
Week twelve
The game: Patriots at Jets
The beer: Jack's Abby Red Tape Amber Lager
The result: Win, 27–13
Week thirteen
The game: Vikings at Patriots
The beer: Jack's Abby Hoponius Union India Pale Lager
The result: Win, 24–10
Week fourteen
The game: Patriots at Dolphins
The beer: Fuller's London Porter
The result: Loss, 34–33
Week fifteen
The game: Patriots at Steelers
The beer: Silvaticus Oblivion Black Lager
The result: Loss, 17–10
The commentary: It's Sunday evening and I've not yet watched this afternoon's Bills game. Did the good guys win? Are rumors of their death exaggerated? DVR is wonderful.
Instead I went to Market Street, the outdoor mall off 128 that apparently alters its own traffic pattern to account for seasonal Whole Foods madness. I fully endorse this middle finger to those who hover/double-park in anticipation of some check-writing Oldsmobile-driver efficiently vacating her space. Remote lots—and, yes, a bit of a trek to your destination—for the win. Once there, an enthusiastic young Paper Source employee ("You're my first customer today!") wrapped G's American Girl doll in paper that cannot be found elsewhere in our house and, therefore, only exists at the North Pole. Twelve dollars well spent.
That's what I would pay for the Pats defense and special teams right now. Twelve dollars, American. Combined. Unwrapped. God forbid your forty-one-year-old quarterback– forget it. Read the acclaimed beer-and-football archives.
What droll title am I to assign this year's Christmas playlist—a year in which the Pats' de-evolution to "the fray" pales in comparison to the ho-hum misadventures of our elected chief executive and commander in chief? Lock her up! Build the wall! Tremendous! What's that, Statler? Waldorf? Change!
1. Coco Hames – (There Won't Be) One More Christmas
Thanks, Amazon Original: Indie for the Holidays 2017! You can pimp your streaming service all you want but I'll download—and own—music until I die. And I will die old.
2. Statler & Waldorf – Marley & Marley
"That was the speech??" "It was dumb!" "It was obvious!" "It was pointless!" "It was… short…" "I loved it!"
3. Sam Applebaum/Mary Nealy – Christmastime's a Feeling
The third section, I suppose, of sixties time capsule (by way of 1970) The Year Around Christmas Present. "Peace… love… that's the message! Christmas… yeah, it's the same message! Peace on Earth, good will to all men. It's the way! People are nicer at Christmas. They have that spirit of giving, of being concerned with their fellow man." "Yeah! They look past themselves to the needs of others. In other words, they're mellow." "Oh, sure, there's the material part of giving presents, but we're layin' it on the soul, the spirit of thinking of someone else, doing for someone else. Caring about the other guy, ya dig? It gives you that good feeling." "I guess, when you get right to it, like the song says, 'Christmastime's a Feeling.'" Or: "Sometimes you have to toot your own horn because nobody else is going to do it." Right.
4. Juan Torres y Su Órgano Melódico – Caminito de Belem
From what I can tell—by which I mean from what Google Translate can tell me—"Caminito de Belem" translates to, erm, "Caminito de Belem." Let's go with "Bethel Johnson's El Camino."
5. Arlo Guthrie – The Pause of Mr. Claus (live)
It takes five and a half minutes of excellent left-wing stand-up comedy for Arlo to get to his live "Christmas carol," dedicated to all the big bastards in the FBI. "Mr. Claus has a red suit, he's a communist! And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist! What's in the pipe that he's smoking?" 1968 was alright.
I suppose it's not a very sincere playlist. I suppose it's not a very sincere holiday.
Up next: Time to go read The Haunted Tea Cozy. How'd the Texans do, anyway? Merry Christmas!
